SOME INSPIRATION

Government schools : Need for change

Modi needs to pay attention to government schools where mostly the quality of education is deteriorating while the pocket of the employees are growing. Except some exceptions, a close look at these institutions lead you to neglected children specifically the learning disabled and the buildings in tatter. The nature of permanent jobs in these insitutions leads the so called educated employees seek advantage of the innocent children and their humble backgrounds. These kids as all other kids do have their rights which are denied to them. Imagine your kids studying in a half broken classroom, being abused for not being intelligent enough, and reprimanded for expressing their emotions. This kind of negative atmosphere stunts healthy development. ecial attention needs to be given to such children as they come from a background where parents lack education and the children are at the mercy of the teachers. Teachers are given a noble designatin in our Indian culture but alas, teachers in such schools need to learn that just getting the tag of a teacher does not make them one. Its is crucial for the government to look into the loopholes and select the employees in an unbiased way since the future of a lot of children depends on them. My personal experience in a particular school has left me shocked beyond limits where the children are made to surpress their opinion lest it may annoy the principal and be showered with abuses. A series of emotional torture would follow until the child loses all motivation and accept the plight. 

This kind of treatment should lead all of us to think. Our greed should not destroy the young minds of the kids. We as members of a responsible society need to raise our voice.

P.S : THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT INTEND TO HURT THE SENTIMENTS OF ANYONE 

TRAITS OF AN HSP

A highly sensitive person can be attributed with high sensory processing trait. The term ‘innate sensitivity’ to denote this inherited characteristic was coined by Carl Jung. The tendency to get overly anxious in situations of immense pressure is evident in such people. The underlying cause is the biological dissimilarities between their nervous systems and that of others. This trait has often been wrongly labeled as social phobia, introversion, social anxiety problems and innate shyness. The trait is estimated with the aid of HSP scale. The term HSP meaning highly sensitive person was coined by Dr Elaine N. Aron and it postulates that shyness and inhibition may or may not be acquired by the individuals and may depend entirely on environmental factors.

Dr Aron and his colleagues have claimed that the trait of high sensitivity is conserved by the process of evolution. Aron indulged in normal infant temperature variations test including low sensory threshold and shy bold continuum described in animal species. The tests revealed that in both the cases the trait is beneficial and can persist in a multitude of circumstances. The infants continue to be influenced by their congenital temperaments even in their adulthood. The people with innate trait of sensitivity may display introvert behaviour or neuroticism but this is not the case with everyone having this trait. This indicates that introversion and neuroticism may arise from the basic innate trait called sensitivity.

People with high sensitivity can be easily moved to tears or other emotional displays through a play, book, movie or even a minor conversation. The principal reason for it being able to feel more deeply than an average individual. Such persons would empathize more with a friend in distress or turmoil. Team sport is certainly not on the wishlist of sensitive people. The feeling that other people are watching and judging is unpalatable, therefore joining the school team or college team or any other team becomes impossible. Even going to a gym and exercising with others is not deemed possible and working out within the confines of the house seems satisfactory. The highly sensitive people are impeccable in their social behavior and their polite behaviour is a defining characteristic. They also take note of improper behaviour of others. The thought of being criticized by people gives them heartburn and as a result they go to extraordinary lengths to circumvent or avoid any criticism. They do not want to make anyone annoyed or angry. The amount of time taken to arrive at a conclusion or make a decision is lengthy because all the subtleties and possible outcomes are weighed heavily before making any decision. If the decision turns out to be wrong or bad they feel upset and disheartened. The tendency to minutely observe everything is incredible.

About 30% of highly sensitive people are extroverts according to Aron. This may happen if the person has grown up in a close knit community and has interacted with a lot of people. The quality of being deep thinkers makes them a valuable asset for any team as long as the role of final decision making is left to someone else. Anxiety or depression are more prevalent among such people and require a supportive environment especially from the parents.

MY EXPERIENCES WITH STREET CHILDREN

My experience with the NGO SALAAM BAALAK TRUST has been a learning experience as I interacted with the street children. First day of the interaction was with all the kids. Innocent, full of life and engrossed in activities given by the NGO to play and learn. I had no experience about the lives of street children until I talked to few of them. Well yes, most of them were saved from the New Delhi railway station and were living there since a long time. One such boy when asked what made him come to Delhi told me " main toh train me charke aa gaya kyunki ma babuji maarte the aur mujhe superstar banna tha" ( I came to Delhi as my parents illtreated me and I wanted to become a superstar. He was depressed since he realized soon that he might not be able to meet his parents. Before being rescued, he used to beg and earn a living. A child of just 10 years was into substance abuse because he thought that gave him relief. He was still being rehabilitated. 

One of the peculiar observation was that they loved the streets. Few children told me they wanted to go back to the street as it was freedom unlike the shelter home they were presently staying. They did not like "rules" and it took time to follow the rules of the shelter home. Small parties were organized for the kids on a specific day where they would enjoy. I developed a good rapport with the kids  and major " life skills"were taught to them. Many of them lacked self control and empathy and ended up getting into quarrells. Role plays were organized for such children so that they learnt tolerance, a trait they would require in everyday lives.
These children were similar to the rest of the children. The difference was they had lost a part of their childhood, their parents, the happiness and carefree days a child always craves for. Despite the fact they showered their love on us, by making small craftwork they had learnt over the years.
I was happy to know that many kids here had grown up to be successful in their ventures while some were still had to reach their goal. Everybody had a talent of their own and they were motivated to nurture it.

I loved my experience and wish I could just run back to them and sayTHAT THEY GAVE ME ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I am not in touch with them, however, they are in my prayers always.

MY EXPERIENCES WITH ADOLESCENTS

May 23, 2014 at 3:23am

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsJamia Millia IslamiaSee all lists...ramakrishna missiondehradunrelativesuniv of delhilifewww.yourdost.comSelf-EmployedPsychologistKendriya VidyalayaDehra Dun, India AreaKendriya Vidyalaya, RishikeshRishikesh, Uttarakhand AreapsychologistCJM DehradunSalaam Baalak TrustConvent of Jesus & Mary, DehradunUniversity of DelhiConvent of Jesus and Mary, DehradunNew Delhi, India AreaFamilyAcquaintancesGo Back

My experience in counselling adolescents has been so real where I have come across students facing a lot of issues like child abuse, relationship problems, self esteem issues and academic issues.

• SELF ESTEEM: Self esteem is the most important thing for an adolescent. Once it is damaged, they can never get it back. Hence instead of labelling them as "good" or "bad" and judging them according to their academic qualifications alone is not right. An adolescent needs to be praised and taken care of. Certain schools divide the students according to their academic performances which really hampers their self concept. Therefore parents and teachers should choose the words well when conversing with adolescents. 
• RELATIONSHIP : Getting attracted to the opposite sex is quite common and natural among adolescents and instead of reprimanding them, they need to be told about the right and wrong choices. Reprimanding them will only make them feel worse.
• SEXUALITY: Adolescence is the time when boys and girls explore their sexuality and a lot many of them try to experiment. Hence it is very important to give them the right knowledge for which instead of taking it as a taboo, parents and teachers need to discuss openly about it.
• PARENTAL EXPECTATION : It becomes very hard for adolescents to deal with parental expectations. Parents should be highly sensitive to the need of their kids and not burden them with high expectations which most of the time leads to adverse results.
• SUICIDE : Suicide is another issue faced by an adolescent and can be triggered by various stuff such as low academic performance, rejection by peers, rejection by a lover and a negative body image. It is very important to make an adolescent accept rejection in a graceful manner.
• BODY IMAGE: In the age where outward appearance is given a lot of preferance, less attractive adolescents feel intimidated. Hence every adolescent should have a healthy body image irrespective of the looks which can only be done when the personality is enhanced.
• PEER PRESSURE : An adolescent needs to develop a strong will power in order to avoid peer pressure which leads to drug abuse, pre marital sex and a lot more.

Adolescence is a time when things are seen through "rose tinted glasses" and hence an adolescent needs all the love and care from people around in order to develop a healthy personality.

A LASTING MARITAL RELATIONSHIP : FEW TIPS

“More marriages would survive if people realized that better comes after the worst”

We all want our “happily ever after” in a marriage and yet we see a lot of marriages ending in a divorce while a lot of them surviving, thus proving  “ till death do us apart” proverb.

Marriage is definitely not a cakewalk and requires equal efforts by partners to make it a success.

·        Understanding and Empathy :  “True contentment comes with empathy” : Tim Fin

  The initial years of marriage can bring a lot of turmoil and therefore it is crucial for partners to be empathetic towards each other. The difference between personalities can be crucial.  For example : An in introverted   husband might want to spend time at home while an extroverted wife might want to party.  To strike a balance, one has to understand the personality traits of each other and then take care of each other’s needs.

·        Frustration  Tolerance  :  “Without tolerance, world turns into hell” : Friedrich

·        Minor misunderstandings, tiffs are common in any marriage, yet it becomes a problem when they blow out of proportion. Most of the couples get frustrated too easily and either start cheating on their partners or think about parting ways. We wish to replace rather than repair. However it is very important to rethink and try to be more patient in order to experience a blissful marital life.

·        Honesty : “ Best way to clear air is to have it all out in the open”  : Atticus Fink

 The growing world of technology has made it very easy to cheat on our partners, luring us to find a perfect date outside marriage. I have seen a lot of couples cheating on each other despite being married. They have this delusion that they would never get caught.  It is very important to be honest in any relationship. Honesty breeds trust which in turn makes a marital bond even stronger.

·        Communication :  

A healthy communication is crucial in every relationship. Communication requires us to be assertive and understand the consequences of spoken words. We often find couples blaming each other and use abusive language which creates a big rift in the long run. Therefore it is important to use nurturing language and be more thoughtful when communicating with each other.

·        Expressing your feelings :

“Dont  keep all your feelings sheltered, express them”  : Dr. Steve

      Yes you heard it right. We get so much caught up in our everyday lives that           we hardly get time to express our feelings to people who matter. A simple loving “thank you  note” or  taking a day off to spend time with each other can make one feel loved.  It is not a good idea to keep it inside you.

To sum it all,  mature, responsible and loving  partners can overcome  any challenge if they wish to enjoy a blissful married life.

A strong will coupled with honesty and love is all that is important.